Guantanamo Bay

I’ve been wondering, what does a country do with its off-shore military detention facility in a post-racism world? It’s a dilemma I am sure many countries will face as they follow in the footsteps of the United States. The New American Way- electing leaders of color, changing their ways, teaching accurate history, re-envisioning heroes, and of course, punishing those who act against freedom. We are, after all, still America.

But in the new post-racism America, we do things differently. So I did some research to find out just what happened with ol’ Git’mo. Here’s what I found. The first thing we did was to start paying Cuba a decent price for the land we occupy. The Castro brothers (more keep emerging) are quite pleased with the new rent-to-own agreement we have about the land where the Guantanamo Bay Facility sits. They of course use our dollars to improve the farming and education of the citizens of Cuba, basically it’s a win-win situation.

Next we had to decide just who to put in the darn place. That wasn’t as hard as it might have seemed. In fact, when things changed and racism was abolished, there were, as you might expect, a few folks who would not let go of the old ways. But we couldn’t let them stay in the country. They are enemies of freedom. Nonetheless, everyone seems to have found their own niche. Former Supreme Court Justices Thomas and Scalia share a cell (their request) and pass the time making paper dolls out of copies of the Constitution, Don Imus and Howard Stern host a morning show and take turns hurling insults at each other, and there were so many Fox News people that they gave them their own studio. They produce a cute little Git’news show every night to keep everyone informed about all the gossip and goings on at the base. Mel Gibson has taken up as the resident corner drunk- finally a role he’s good at, Michael Richards still tries his hand at comedy but even there he seems to bomb, and apparently Rosie O’Donnell wanders aimlessly around mumbling to herself and laughing at her own jokes, but that’s not so different than before.

It’s not a bad facility. I am told that people are treated humanely. They get three square meals a day. They are allowed to worship and pray as they choose. There’s a nice gym for them to work out and you can’t beat the weather down there. When they are not in voluntary re-education or therapy sessions, they socialize, go for walks, and several of the detainees are writing their memoirs. Pre-post-racism literature has not been outlawed in the New America. In fact it has quite the following, “we must know where we came from so we never go back.”